And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize