i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
