our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
