Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
