okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
