I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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