we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
