i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
