I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
