If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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