Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
