my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
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