just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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