2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
