Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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