when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
