Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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