And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
