The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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