I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
