6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
