Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
