Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
