She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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