did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize