Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
