I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My feet surprised me
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