what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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