I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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