i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize