I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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