If you die in college, do you die in real life?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
