Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize