what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
send nudes
from the living room?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
