fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I need a beard to bite.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
