it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
