I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
