i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
