I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
