I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
