After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize