He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
