Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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