I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
