Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
