My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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