So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
