If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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