I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
honey bunches of taint.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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