i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
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