i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
