Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
ugly people sure do ruin things
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
