Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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