i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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