I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
