I accidentally had phone sex last night
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize