Please, let me fuck your mom
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
