i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
