Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
