Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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