did you get engaged???
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize