I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
