she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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