he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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