i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
