well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
