Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
