im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
