did you get engaged???
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
it's like heaven, but drunker
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
