and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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