I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
