Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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