I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
