ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
