All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
