I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
