4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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