How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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