The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
