I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
