apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
