I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We need to get me chipped asap
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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