What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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