question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
