I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
