Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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