Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
